Death Trap

I am SICK of motorcycles. More importantly, motorcycle crashes...the ones that leave people dead and leave their families to try to re learn how to live life without them. Last night a friend died in a motorcycle accident, Bobby Rambo. (In the pic he is the one all the way on the left)He was 24, had a sister and brother, lived with his parents and had just become an uncle a few months ago. I cannot believe it. When I was like, middle school into early high school days I "dated" Bobbys brother, Jason. I was totally in love, haha. They lived right next door to my Aunt Josephine and lets just say it was no coinsidence that I would stay there all summer long to babysit. We would sneak out in the middle of the night to meet up and all of these other hilarious young things. When Id go to Jasons house his brother bobby was always there. They were in a band together and I would always go and listen to them play. They were more than brothers, best friends. I was like crying hysterically when I got the news. I hate it. Sometimes even if I dont know the person that well I get this rush of emotion just over the fact that I know their family and I absolutely cannot imagine how it would feel to be in their place. Like right now. I knew Bobby, I was around him a lot for a few years but I had def lost touch w/him and Jason as time went on and life moved on. I certainly did not want the next time I heard about them to be in this situation. Now this happened and I keep thinking of how devastated Jason must be. I get this sick feeling in the pit of my stomach at the very THOUGHT of not having my brother or sister...life seems almost pointless without them. Then there was my manager Jerry who I literally saw every single day. Hed buy us lunch while working together on the weekends, we went to the bars together, Id take him home from work, we had conversations all the time about relationships and life. I miss him everyday. Life is crazy. It is SO CLICHE but ah like it really is so important to remember that you have to live everyday as if its your last. Tomorrow is not ever promised.

Half of my heart

My best friend is leaving. Not moving out of the apartment to a new one, or down the street..or 10 minutes away...or an hour drive away, but a plane ride away. Bertha is moving officially to Florida on Saturday. It feels absolutely surreal to me. Like, its weird because its Wednesday and I know shes leaving this weekend but at the same time, I cant believe shes leaving this weekend. Not only have we been best friends since middle school but we have lived together for the past almost 2 years. She is going from being across the hall from me to a 2.5 hour plane ride away from me. I do not want her go to. It is selfish of me but I cant help it. I want her here with me..let me rephrase that, I NEED her here with me. There is not one other person I know that I can literally turn to for EVERYTHING the way I can with her, not one other person I can always count on to go to the mall with me, to listen to my crazy stories, to be the person beside me when the crazy stories are happening, to have boy talk with me, to be there with me and my family, to be the person I text at 11 pm on a Tuesday night when Im bored and at work, the person I can call at 5am when the guy Im dating is not in bed anymore and I think he is dead, the person I can count on to dress up with me no matter where we are going, the person I can count on to be paparazzi with me, to run the stage with me, the person to experience living on my own with...the person that no matter what I do, she looks at me with loving eyes that only a best friend would look at you with through thick and thin. Im not trying to make this about me but I just have this feeling of being scared...and I know she is too, I mean she has her family there but no other good friends...at least here I have Court, Mer, Jenna, Meg, Shenoa, Bek, my new roomies etc... but its like, time goes on and everyone is growing up and a lot are going away from each other..I guess this will be the biggest test for our friendships, because being apart physically does not have to mean growing apart emotionally. I love my friends so much, I cant even call them friends, theyre my family.

Baby Fever

So for everyone that knows me, they also know I am obssessed with the show Jon and Kate Plus Eight and A Baby Story. I am absolutely in love with babies...and pregnancy... and having babies... and how cute they are...and how small they are. AH! Its like so weird because for me, I have always been the type of girl who has WANTED to be a mom. I have always loved the idea of having a big family..yes, I have always wanted a job, always wanted to be able to take care of myself, but most of all, wanted to get married and have babies. I go to college not because I want to get some serious job and become a work a holic who makes lots of money, but because I know realistically I need a job. I need money to be able to support myself. I need money to be able to help support me, Dan and our *One day* family. I always knew what I wanted to name my kids, how many I wanted to have... etc. So yeah recently, between having biology class and watching A baby story it has actually kind of scared me into not knowing if I want kids or if I would want more than like, 1. There is SO much that can go wrong it totally freaks me out. I have seriously not seen more than like maybe 2 or 3 episodes of A baby story where the labor goes perfectly. AH! Like I think giving birth is one of the most beautiful things a woman can do and I really feel lucky that I am a woman and will be able to maybe one day experience that but whoa...everything that is going on with the body at that time is just nuts. Then there is everything that can go wrong with the baby, like do you know how many disorders, etc there are out there?!?! A TRILLION!!! It scares me...to death. Like enough that me, Mother Goose herself would actually think she doesnt know what she feels about having kids. That is crazy. Then on the other hand I think of how amazing having a baby is . Like you are coming together with a person you love and youre mixing into one. That little baby is going to be the perfect combo of you and your love. What could be any better than that? So when people say Im crazy for wanting lots of kids, Im like, I dont think its that Im crazy, I think its that Im so in love with Dan, so in love with our life and so in love with where our future is heading that I really cant help but want he and I to have that special link together forever. A link that we will always share, that we will grow with, that we will come together for and that will bond us as a family forever. I have grown a lot as a person since Dan has come into my life. For anyone that knew me before I was with him and anyone that knew me after they would easily say it is a night and day difference. I also look at my life more maturely now too. I want good things for myself. I want to graduate College and I know I am capable of it, I want to be the best friend I can be, I want to be the best girlfriend I can be, the best sister and daughter to my family, I want to get a great job where Dan and I will have the ability to enjoy the finer things in life, I want to one day be the most amazing wife, and I want to one day be the most amazing Mother. I am really...whats the word for it?...Hopeful?!...Hopeful towards my life, where it is going and what I am going to be able to continue to bring to the lives of everyone around me as time goes on. I love my life, my love, my family and my friends. I really couldnt ask for anything more...and Sorry for making that a really serious entry lol...I just got inspired!

Golf Cart Escapades

So yes, I did wreck a golf cart... I still cant decide which is more horrible, that I didnt just hit the breaks or that we jumped out of the cart while it was rolling backwards...or that it was at a fundraiser for homeless children in Lancaster. Im still pretty embarassed LOL but I will admit, it was hilarious and the look on Megans face was to die for. I just got back from the gym and should totally be getting ready right now because Im supposed to be going to the library soon to study for my bio exam. Being in the library for 2 hours better be worth it...I want at least a B on it! The gym has been even more of an obsession for me lately...this is my third week in a row of getting 5 days a week in!!! I need to be beach ready!!! I got the cutest bikini from Victorias Secret and Im excited to wear it! woohoo! I am hoping for many weekends at the beach this summer, and I know Dan is hoping for the same so Im excited. He is so lucky to have the summers off...teaching gives you nice perks :o) ..The girls and I are going to Atlantic City this weekend. Im SO Excited!!! Its going to be bittersweet though...Im excited because it will be a lot of fun...and Im sad because B is leaving in 2 weeks...I cant believe it, its around the corner!